A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. 3. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Just tap it in. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. So what are you waiting for? Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Knock, knock Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! 3. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. 19. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. You hit down to make the ball go up. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. The 19th hole. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; Play golf. Have fun. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Very interesting. 4. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Because all the other four letter words were taken. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. My shaft is bent. Fore! "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". Fantastic 4-some. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Do you share these funny golf jokes? If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. I chipped in from the rough! It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Golf is more complicated than that. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? 5. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. 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Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Basketball is a sport for black men. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Because her coach was a pumpkin. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Its almost a law. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. "Golf is my profession. But you cant just forget not to think. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? 5. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Wodehouse I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. If you drink, dont drive. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. Jim Murray. 4. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Where is the best place to go on vacation? They like cricket better. You shot an eight. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. When your golf cart capsizes. Why a carrot as a logo? He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. 4. Your email address will not be published. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. The smile looks really good on you. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Two, be your own person. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Check it out now! By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. 3 / 10. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. Im the best. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. This post may contain affiliate links. 20. I know what to look for. putt." The guys who come 6. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. The battle that raged inside each players head. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. A fan in the crowd said Mr. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. - Mickey Mantle. Your email address will not be published. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. 8. fodrizzle. Don't dirt your soul. They have a hard drive. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". happen again! Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Peter Jacobson, 33. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. You are signed up for our newsletter! These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. All of them. And now it will be poisoned for you. 2. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. A dinner without wine. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. They have been there where we are standing now. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Golf is the easiest game in the world. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Clubbing. 7. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. The threesome were curious what was going on. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. 2. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. 6. It can be rewarding. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. 8. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); 3 of 10. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. How the heck did that happen? Nothing it should have ducked. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. All the fans are gone! A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Its to move on. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Your second mental problem is concentration. On the Green In Two. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Andy who? The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. If you break 80, watch your business.". How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Please add a link to this site. Dont even putt. The Dalai Lama himself. Does a bear crap in the woods? ~ Sijin Bt. Hi there! 2. Dirty Golf Sayings. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. -Lee Trevino See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Tahiti. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Sunday Service. On a golf course, nature is neutered. I . Tahiti who? Always keep learning. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Watch their eyes. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. If we . Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. When is it too wet to play golf? To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. You look like someone who likes to swing. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! What do you call a blonde at a golf course? I stepped on a rake. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Photo: Shutterstock. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Do you know why the game is called golf? If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Missed the ball and sank the divot. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Wash your balls. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins?