Being generous and kind generally happens only when you're happy. For many other women, the 18-20 week scan was the point at which they discovered the baby had serious problems. Sometimes women were told that the sonographer had found a 'marker' or sign of a chromosomal condition and had to wait for an amniocentesis to confirm the findings. He looked fine. I had never imagined having an amniocentesis. It can be such a shock so do whatever you need to feel better. Seated in the antenatal clinic with lots of expectant mothers with baby bumps. I've been incredibly lucky to have such amazing support from Sam, my mum, and close friends and family. The doctor didn't come. This article was amended on 24 November 2015 to anonymise the writer. But at the 20 week scan, which was on a Wednesday, we saw the nurse at the local hospital, the sonographer, and she did a scan and she found that the femur length was quite short in the, in the fetus. An hour passed and I started to panic. That they could have spotted something, or not? The first result, which tells you if the baby has Down's syndrome, is ready in three days, but the other chromosomal problems cannot be eliminated for up to three weeks. The scan can provide information that may mean you have to make further, important decisions. By my own hand, I had to end the pregnancy. And having read, since read my information on Edwards' syndrome, a good 85 per cent have problems with the heart. The contractions started very quickly and within an hour my waters had broken. She didn't want to see the baby. The thing about that which I felt was difficult is that we could tell when being scanned that there was something very seriously wrong. And I knew there was no way out. See you in -. The thing that I have a very strong memory of is this child's face in amazing detail. He bluntly told me, he wasn't interested in whatever was seen before, he was only going to go by what he saw that day. But that was too easy. It felt as if we'd gone underground, that we were part of the criminal fraternity. Health professionals use the 18-20 week scan to examine the baby's size and position, and also to check if his/her brain, heart, lungs and other internal organs are developing as expected. So I sort of went home quite, fairly kind of happy and I, at, at this point I hadn't any idea things could go wrong anyway. We're still not at the end of our journey, but we're much further along. And before they gave me any of the results she asked a colleague to come and told me she wanted to check something, with a colleague, and by then I was getting very concerned because I'd never had that happen before. I was sent home with a leaflet, strong painkillers and two types of antibiotics. And I'm glad I did and she's glad she didn't. Yeah, yeah. My partner watched the baby come out, and for a split second I saw a look of joy on his face. I couldn't bear to see the baby and asked the midwife to take him away immediately. Somehow, I walked from the sofa up to the bathroom and told my partner. Why me and not you, you bastard? I couldn't have the added responsibility for changing his mind. Just doing it. Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommys Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. They sort of drew some diagrams, and they said, 'But we need to refer you to a specialist to confirm the diagnosis'. This one cannot show you anything, that's what's inside your mind. Try to relax and take it easy. We needed closure, to allow us to grieve properly. And also what the prognosis would mean for our two year old: now a very happy child, he would have a completely different childhood with such an ill sibling. b>Bad news at 20 week scan. We use some essential cookies to make this website work. If one of the conditions is found or suspected, the sonographer may ask for a second opinion from another member of staff. Forcing my hand to my mouth to take the tablet was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. Our position in our families has shifted. No discussion, no quiet contemplation. I couldn't work out what was taking so long and put it down to the doctor being young and inexperienced. We bought little outfits, teddies, and researched all the vitamins and foods that I could eat. There were also two spots on his heart, which were "soft markers" for Down's syndrome. Impact of the 20-week and later specialist scans Some hospitals do offer earlier anomaly scans of the baby, but they will not show as much detail as scans performed between 18 and 20weeks. And so, yeah we got to, carried on with the pregnancy, kept seeing the consultant, kept sitting in the waiting room outside, because there was a terribly long waiting time sometimes, depending on what time you had the appointment. On the third day, we got a phone call. We went, I went in to the scanning room and they're quite bland facially anyway, whether everything's fine or not they just look at the screen to start off with and do measurements but I very quickly realised that the woman's demeanour wasn't, even for a bland face, was concerning. This publication is licensed under the terms of the Open Government Licence v3.0 except where otherwise stated. News stories, speeches, letters and notices, Reports, analysis and official statistics, Data, Freedom of Information releases and corporate reports. She just said, 'It's a bit short, it needs to be checked' again basically. And I couldn't escape the feeling that I was being selfish. And I, and, I felt the weight of deciding what to do about it. Spina bifida can usually be seen clearly on a scan and of those babies who have this condition, around 9 out of 10 (90%) will be detected. I've still had no cramps or bleeding so fingers crossed everything is ok I just couldn't believe I fell down the stairs, I can't remember the last time I ever did that! Check benefits and financial support you can get, Find out about the Energy Bills Support Scheme, NHS fetal anomaly screening programme (FASP), Screening tests for you and your baby (STFYAYB), nationalarchives.gov.uk/doc/open-government-licence/version/3, more information and details of support groups. Though the 18-20 week scan can detect when certain parts of the baby's body have grown abnormally, it may not be possible for clinicians to identify why it has happened or make a firm diagnosis based on the scan alone. So I suppose from that aspect, mind you having not been told that or sitting there, I wouldn't have thought necessarily that was odd. The doctor or midwife looking after you will let you know before you come. I know I could have delivered him in a quarter of the time, but I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving me. I felt I needed proof of what was wrong before I take such a huge decision and that I couldn't do it based on what someone had written on, on the paper. We were bound to each other because of the blood that was on both our hands. And she said that, you know, as the, if the baby did develop further there would probably be other problems with internal organs that weren't really that visible at that stage. From losing my dad to his battle with cancer, to then having to face another battle with cancer and my mum; thankfully she pulled though. Trying to carry on as normal, working and putting on a brave face. And the next day we went back to the hospital and we had another scan with a specialist, and he confirmed it was a condition called holoprosencephaly, which I'd never heard of any of these words before, they were just such long words. So and you could see the exomphalus, this little pouch, which was obviously just the intestines where they are. I couldn't bring myself to push. She describes having to make a momentous decision very quickly, and the ferment of relief, guilt and grief that followed, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning. I should stop being dramatic and pessimistic. We strongly advise readers not to take drugs that are not prescribed by your qualified healthcare provider. I had an appointment with my consultant 2 days later, and again he said, you know, 'Very common - shouldn't worry about it too much, you know, if, the problem is if they find anything else wrong'. I thought surely everything is ok, as they couldn't detect twins the week before. And thank God I did. I remember thinking, 'Gosh' I now know it was a girl, I didn't know that then, that, 'She looks just like her brother'. And, faced with feeling sorry for myself or feeling sorry for my child, I know which I'd choose. I know it sounds odd that you want to hear that it's wrong, but you, you know it's wrong, and you, you want to be reassured either that it's okay or is there something seriously wrong. Do you have any thoughts about that? I didn't think my instincts were worth much. Some parents wondered if it was possible to have the same scan done at 16 weeks rather than 20 weeks. I was then told yet again bad news. I took my vitamins, stuck to the healthy diet and put on a brave face. Everywhere you look, there are happy, fat, smug pregnant women. I wasn't unduly worried at all. He was tiny, perfect and a Down's syndrome baby. Has anyone been told the wrong sex at 20 week scan? Just that really! And it all seemed so near at hand, you know, 31, 30 weeks, you feel like you're nearly, you're on the home stretch. I didn't want to go through anymore scans. Surely he couldn't have missed anything else that is so serious x. It was exactly like the labour I had with my first child. . I had a horrible feeling of relief. So we'd gone through the Down's syndrome or worse scare, we'd had conversations about what we would do, if it was confirmed that it was Down's syndrome or another syndrome, another sort of chromosome abnormality. And I went for, I went for a normal 12-week scan, at my local hospital and everything, they said everything was fine, there was no problem. And I felt like a murderer. Let a mum know you're thinking of them send one of our personalised Mother's Day cards today, Home So we decided to book an early 10 week private scan. My wife turned the screen away from her. The sonographer told me to take the notes, and the scan photos with me so they could review them also. Have I misunderstood what's going on?' And I thought that if I were faced with the possibility of having an amnio, hours of discussion would follow - I would spend days mulling it over. It is also sometimes referred to as the mid-pregnancy scan . No, we really didn't, with hindsight we probably should have, but not at all, it never occurred to us to be worried about it. But with time although we will never forget, I know we will be ok again. 15/02/2014 08:02. Anyway we went in for the meeting with the consultant on this particular time, and we'd got to, I was 30 weeks pregnant by then. But it was very evident. Nice people shouldn't hear about what we'd done. So we went back the day after Boxing Day, the 27th, and the consultant greeted us, which made my alarm bells go, and she started scanning us and I think her lines were, 'What concerns me about this baby is that they've got a diaphragmatic hernia, which has meant that part of the stomach of the baby was in its chest cavity.'. So, in the end, we said we would arrange our own funeral. Sam squeezed my hand and told me it was ok. The same sense of expectation. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, midwife or hospital immediately. The 18-20 week antenatal scan and further tests, Ending the pregnancy for family & personal reasons, Deciding whether to see, hold and name the baby, Photographs and other mementoes of the baby, Saying goodbye to the baby - services & funerals, Coping with bereavement - women's experiences, Coping with bereavement - men's experiences, Men's ideas about their role in ending a pregnancy. Never being able to look after himself. We talked all night and thanked God for crap television. I sat and waited to be called for my scan. The milk came and stayed for what seemed like for ever. And it was Christmas Eve and at the time I didn't think, the sonographer did spend a little bit of time scanning us and queried my dates several times and then explained that she couldn't quite see the baby's heart properly and would we come back in a couple of days? The same unique expression he had when he saw our two year old born. No sort of questions about, 'Do you want to know whether it's a boy or a girl?' We had to discuss what we wanted to do with the little body after delivery. We had the baby cremated. And everybody knows and everything is right. That was an extremely difficult day. Seeing your baby on a screen can be really exciting. And it was just a bit of a shock because it's not really what you want to hear - you don't really expect that. Smiling at myself and picturing me and Sam becoming parents. I travelled to work that day feeling amazing. I mean, you just, you're just overwhelmed, it's so much fun. We bought a two tests that evening (quite lucky as I messed the first one up!). So we left it there, and we didn't actually think that there was anything really to worry about after that scan. 1. I hadn't thought about the mechanics of such a late termination, but had assumed it would mean some kind of operation. We saw the consultant, who was reassuring, saying that he would rescan me and was sure everything would be fine. I give obsessively to charity, especially those linked to sick children. But it's bloody hard being miserable the whole time. Last reviewed July 2017. But here I was, minutes later, lying down, waiting. This might be uncomfortable. I think the whole experience has made me a pretty nasty person. Where we have identified any third party copyright information you will need to obtain permission from the copyright holders concerned. In most cases the scan will show that your baby appears to be developing as expected but sometimes a condition is found or suspected. We'll make an appointment with the senior sonographer, the consultant at the local hospital, and she'll do your scan and she'll be able to tell you more things'. The sonographer then passes a hand-held probe over your skin to examine the babys body. I can feel my child kick, it responds when he shouts at football - I mean literally, this baby used to dance around whenever he'd like scream at a goal - and there cannot be anything wrong with this child because it's part of us already. Desperately trying to hold onto the glimmer of hope we'd been given. But worse was to come. In fact, interestingly enough, going sort of. And there [sighs] was a very dark patch over one, where the eye socket was, and they didn't know it, in the Edward's babies sometimes the eyes don't develop properly, or it might have been bleeding, they weren't very sure. My partner was away working and was waiting to hear whether he was having a son or daughter. We decided that we wanted medication to help me. But for those few days they were torture. As you felt that, you know, it was probably going to show lots of problems and it just wasn't what we wanted, but at the same time we needed to sort of see it and, we needed to prove it I suppose.

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