Im sorry you have to go thru this..now what you must do is have No Contact with him no phone,txts,social media NOTHING if its about the kids short & sweet only about the kids no matter what this will allow him to think about the things he has done & yourself to think about the things youve allowed dont be so hard on yourself I know Im going through it now but you must get your life in order for not yourself because the kids will eventually suffer behind this & trust me the thing with the other woman will not last.take care. I hate life right now, she wants nothing to do with me, my work is suffering Im suffering, shes telling everyone how happy she is and Im so lost. Tonight while in bed at my place we had an argument. I have cried more over the past eight weeks than during my entire life. yourself or the other person. Think about the parts of Jon that could not be true to Jon because of her. He created us & gave us a plan to follow (bible). Someone else would have appreciated it and been there with me. Home has been sold and I need to be out in 1 month and now he wants to send people to my home to pick things up. Honor yourself and keep your integrity through this process. She refuses to answer her phones and when I do get her mom to go there, she refuses to see our child even when I dropped off at her moms which is super close. So cold, so heartless and has absolutely zero consideration for me. I just wish I could hit fast forward. I am on the fence with how I feel and how much more I want to put up with. I would always find pills in her pockets , on the floor, in her car , in her purse in our cabinetry allloose pills. I agree with you 100%, but how do you hang in there and try to fix things when only one of you is mature enough to realize that love is a choice, and that if you can get through the rough patch, things will get better? He turned 50 this year and told me he didnt know if he wanted to live with me the rest of his life. We have seen these in all of the breakup movies.. Dont fall for it ! My break up was a combination of factors above and under each one Andra (the author) has captured the essence. This was mid January. Do not try to get her back at this time at least. I have had the same thing happen to me its heartbreaking I know exactly what you are going through stay strong! I have faith in you and hopefully me reaching out will help show while there is real evil, there is real good in the world. I am livid with her, but at the same time I love her, and would do anything to be able to sort things out and get us back together. But they are forced to be with her every other weekend. Our new counselor really seems to understand our real issue, which is communication on a very big level. Something that was completely against my morals as human being. Call out to the lord! So he had plenty of time to do what he wanted to do. They will keep you occupied to not think about how bad you feel, at least some of the time. I work everyday to get stronger and grateful for what I do have, but the hurt is unbearable.Why didnt he just tell me he found someone else and wanted a divorce?? I was lonely for a friend, a companion, a co-pilot and a lover to share the rest of my life with. And meeting another woman again is very difficult now for many of us single men too, now that Feminism is everywhere these days, Ok have to jump in here and say that half this list was well debated by surviving marriage members, who salvaged most the married groups helpful comments to suffering people going through the same similar situations advocated for on this list, leaving me to ponder this probably being horrible advice from the same site since many or Ill have ruined most my own relationships let me at least try to clear things up for honest hurting folks, people leave for 1 simple reason so both sides pay attention so your aware of whats up what you are really doing and choosing simple really they want to get that? I always thought our love for each other would conquer all, but I was sadly mistaken. Have you thought about maybe having the teacher of your oldest daughter call DYFS? I hold my vows very close to my heart. That will never happen. Hope things are looking up for you. They went thru my things and took things my mother gave me, when I finally was able to get what was left of my things they out garbage, household garbage, condoms, sex stuff in my things. Kelly, One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. Rediscover that now. In fact they will sleep more soundly knowing we are eating out our hearts and crying ourselves to sleepover them My husband would withhold from me in many ways, not just lack of communication. After thirty years it was very abruptly gone: torch extinguished. That there was my mistake in itself. Her loss. Try and stay strong, I know how it feels. Darkest days of my life. During that 30 days, I started thinking that I didnt want to be with someone that would treat me and his family this way, so I distanced myself. And she doesnt. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. I threatened to call the police but never did out of fear of having anything to do with that kind of stuff and the kids. Please u did not say anything concerning my case, am in Cameroon, and we have less of such facilities like therapist on psychological or marital issues. I couldnt believe she would do this to our family. Sadly we lost him which was devastating then two weeks later got married (already planned) then quickly found out we had a daughter on the way. in the last few weeks i have asked him one or twice if being with me is what he wants and he said of course and we have had some really lovely days together, the night before we split up we had not a blazing row as such but it was the way things were said that was the problem not what was actually said, he woke the next morning left for work and text me saying he thinks I should go back to my parents house, maybe the living together situation isnt working out and then began to say he thinks we shouldnt be together he doesnt know what he wants he loves me but hates the fact we keep arguing and dont seem to get along the way we use to. I just have to take the bruise to the heart hearing it and suck it up, thats what its been left to. Thanks heather for your positive feedback it is needed very much right now. I thought it was just a phase and didnt think anything of it until I found a phone number of a girl in his wallet. Well, a year and a half ago he announced he needed a separation for 30-days and walked out on us in the middle of the night. This is my second marriage and the pain is horrific.. Everything I am not!! So we come home and a week later she leaves again and stays gone almost two weeks. We have two children together. When your children were young, you probably used to have fun and spend time with them. Then at the same time, he says if I just shut up and leave him alone, he will just do his own thing and I can do mine. anyway thanks for listening, Thank you for your comment, Lorrie. She mightve been young and had settled down with kids at a young age and wanted an escape, but with that Guy it wont Last and if it does she wont be Happy. My ex boyfriend just moved out left me carelessly with all the bill.He was always a depressed person and I was always there for him then I started to become depressed. 2. I was left in April, with two teenagers for a man who claims he wasnt happy for 10 years. My wife and I have been together as lovers for 13 years. Its hard to give up thinking they will come back. I promised to do anything. I do not know what to do. When you are together you experience feeling tired and unfulfilled. If you do a search on the topic you will find that studies are revealing an epidemic of infidelity right now. I had to get my own account because he kept taking huge amounts of money out of our joint account without even saying anything about it or what it was for. Your partner wasnt in love with you anymore. !! Hey my name is Derek Im going to be 36 in dec, I have been married for 13 years and with her for 17. He would never compromise nit even come home 1 time a week to have supper as a family hes a workaholic Now hes not happy because Ivehad anger issues so I went to get help since I too realizes I have to work on myself and I changed.my kids see it.however apparently I didnt change enough. It was a mess As I always did I cooked cleaned laundry took care of kids was involved etc . According to Han, finding that connection in family and friends quickly can be very important, especially if children are involved. 2. This took time, and I was doing ok with the new found insights and I left therapy thinking I was now ok and that I needed to move on in life. Im so sad and heartbroken and feel like I gave him my heart for nothing, wasted 26 years of my life. What a way to throw a wrench in! Two more days pass and today she texts about me packing the house (I am going to lose it) and she is now not retuning until June 30th but not necessarily here as she insists upon a divorce. Hug I only had him. Big or small On Saturday he told me in no uncertain that it was over and made me feel stupid for not knowing. We slept in separate bedrooms and became room mates and certainly not what I had invisioned a marriage to be at the age of 51. I feel like he used me when I was making a lot and now that he has to provide he packs and leave. Three years ago, when Carol Moffa divorced her husband after, she says, putting up with a lot of "crap" over the years, she was downright scared. All rights reserved. My husband, who I have been with for 15 years and have two young children with left me in November 2014. I received deployment orders to head to Africa for a rapid response unit to help combat the Ebola virus and contain it by building ETU facilities. Online forums are places where people come together to share their experiences with one another. I know how you feel. You wont even bother to try to communicate with him and find your self at peace not playing into his emotional abuse games. He had a bmw car which I later found out was his gfs carI think all his family know her and are aware that he loves her. Js. It is a growing trend in the United States. In fact, sometimes he can seem to be downright miserable. You can keep your self-esteem high by working on yourself and becoming more confident. Any problem she has she phones the bloke she left me for is a condescending arse this was not the first affair ive since found out there have been 4 in the last ten years I knew about one and worked hard 6 years ago to forgive and forget . If youve suffered anything like I have, youve probably been kicked to the dirt a time or two by your man. Great resource for those hurting, and I mean real hurting. You think I wanna sit and have thanksgiving dinner with you? I have been in counseling, a divorce support group and working everyday to believe that I am of value. He was mean, angry and a totally crazy. I dont know what to do anymore. Im a hopeless romantic at heart. Do you really want to be married to a women thats flashing her goods to the world wide web???? Does he love her more then me? My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of my child seems to have just done the very same thing to me. I honestly never thought I would recover but it was a blessing in disguise because now I have my own home and am absolutely loving life. We had a solid marriage and two great kids. My husband from the time they were little. "I can't please you. my wife of 25 years had a facebook affair with a strange man from the UK she had this affair online for eight months.and they met only 10 month after his wife died. Fortunately, relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning knows exactly what it takes to save a failing marriage. In the month it took for me to pull myself together enough to find the help I need and make the arrangements she moved out of our home and withdrew from me even more. Im a good person, loving, caring, giving and trustworthy. Feeling a little bette . He works out of town so at the moment 2 weeks on 1 week home it was his first time to that site and it was coming to the end of the 2 weeks one day he was telling me couldnt wait to come home and see me he missed me so much couldnt live without me, very next day found out he was leaving me for another girl that he works with and was just cold cold cold. Well, whatever the case may be, this article is for you. I kept my act together because I. I am a strong person, that helps. I am still learning the scope of the damage that was done to me. It is you used to do this , you used to do that. I am truly lost without her. I am still here. I had told her that she needs help and that I was going to tell doctor about her abusing these pills. I feel invisible again. We have some communication issues to work on (as well as emotional maturity on my partner's side), but otherwise it's functional and I'm mostly happy . I cant imagine that devastation. They will never know how grateful I am. At the same time, sometimes it is better to know the truth. With Elizabeth Vargas, PMDD Quiz: Do I Have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. It's OK To Fake It A Little After Your Husband Leaves. I have always asked my clients who find themselves married to someone who is mentally ill to focus on how they can avoid choosing another partner with the same issues. He is ultimately holding you hostage to his lack of emotional control. Im not a dumb guy, I swear it. Its so bizarre to go from being very loving and leaving cards and messages and notes about how honored he is to be my partner , to ..we never had it right and Im unhappy and Ive been unhappy for 10 years or our whole life. 6 months ago my wife of 6 years been together now going on 9 years looks over at me and says she doesnt know if she wants to be married anymore. He could turn on a tear and look remorseful but wouldnt answer if I said to him , I can get through anything if I know that you love me he would milk all my tears until we both turned defensive and would turn it round to irritation accusing me of mistrust in doubting him . Its natural to feel that way. Knowing there was no future is what killed me. Her friends, family and coworkers all pushed her. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. He had just told be we were good and he loved me shortly before. I feel so used and he plays the blame game where I complain about him not helping he just wants everything his way and no compromise . Im not happy being left out. I am struggling in finding a way to deal with his departure as my love for him yearns and hurts at the same time. I see its been a week since you wrote this post.. Is he moving out? No one warned me that the "change of life" meant that I would be at war with my own body . Any advice? Here are just a couple of possibilities for the relationship ghosting: Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the level at which you recognize and empathize with emotions. You will probably find things thaT you might enjoy to do that you could not do before. Well she was mixing high doses of Vicodin and Soma pills . If this is the end of our relationship and it certainly feels that way. I would take a stand and approach this situation head on. 7 months later the oldest child wouldnt give up on me and finally broke through to her mom that she needed me. I just served him with divorce papers yesterday. I did however have enough control of my wits to get a lawyer and try to speak for my innocence in court. Here you'll find all collections you've created before. I told her no more. Keep me posted on how things are going for you. . I will keep this no contact for as long as humanly possible. I felt like my world was ending and their was nothing I can do to cope with the harsh reality of what just occurred. And i did love her very much at the time, thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her as well. Since he can just drop us like taking out the garbage. Fact is- the reality might be harsher now. You cant give up hope because numbing yourself will only numb you to joy as well. Watch your dignity return. I want to move back to Florida and i just dont think its worth us fighting to save the marriage anymore. I wish you all the best finding the new you and someone who loves you for who you really are!! My wife and I have a 2 year old son. When we met it was love from the off. They are in a place where they dont have any clarity and theyre in the middle of a crisis. What about #6You were just an abusive alcoholic and I was sick and tired of being your punching bag? Really she is 60. He is indicating he has no power to change; you have all the power. She is smart and healthy. They might even join in on helping you through this by giving comfort or simply laughing with you at how messed up your marriage is now. I am beyond hurt. He calls this a seperation, but making me take all my things and move away, seems like he is just trying to spare my feelings, not asking for a divorce straight out. I dont hate him, in fact I care for him, but we have absolutely no similar interests. We all do. I feel completely invisible in my own home. I just dont want to give up because I feel like she is my other half I feel like she is the only one for me.. She txts him daily and it dosent bother her that Im right there. Believe, shell want you back. My exwife left me for some guy she meet at a club and he choked her to death. I realised then this was serious and we were in trouble. Im learning that even though I love him, I cant help or change him and I deserve a man that really loves me and my kids. Not looking for any comments just felt a need to write that lot down. Worst day of my life just praying she would come to her senses and save our family. Theyre also communities where you can help other members solve their problems. Read more inspiring stories of single moms: At 7 months pregnant, I found messages online to a dozen women, telling them he hated me, wished I was dead. They will never know how grateful I am. He was my best friend for 16 yrs and it is killing me. I will follow this for now. She gets outraged and calls me every name in the book and thats that. They are now together and I know she had feelings for him whilst we were together. The police were here due to a fight and they said he didnt have to leave early unless he chose to . Sorry this might not be what you want to hear but you have to think of your self do not sacrifice yourself fill yourself up love yourself hold your To which I protested and she got off the phone with me. Make her respect you and have dignity..move on get yourself together n this may take time but keep busy and stay active in ur kids life. Remember that people fall in and out of love all the time, and you probably dont want to be with someone who doesnt love you deeply anyway. "I felt as if the person I knew had died. My mum passed away suddenly in July 2014. In thinking about it, I realized that my pain was like a SEIZURE of sorts a *continuous* seizure (the neurologist agreed with my assessment); a signal to my brain that wouldnt turn off. Any advice please? But I will not allow someone to make an inaccurate statement about people with personal disorders.